Category Archives: pedophilia

CBC and the Propagation of Ignorance

Every time the adults play the “we just need to sell newspapers” game, children end up paying for it.

A couple of years ago, when I first started the in-depth research for my book, CBC was on my list of Very Useful Entities. CBC took a risk with I, Pedophile, and they were pretty good with the facts. (No one is perfect.) Here’s a screenshot from their article Four Misconceptions about Pedophiles:

That was two years ago.

Today, they seem to have forgotten their own work. This past month, as more sexual offences in the church have been brought to light, CBC has chosen to use the word “pedophile” as a synonym for “child sexual abuser”:

The secret life of ‘one of the most prolific sexual abusers in Canadian history: Pedophile priest at centre of Nova Scotia class-action lawsuit sexually abused more than 100 kids in Ontario

Southdown Institute: A ‘shield’ for the Church or a place to provide ‘meaningful’ help for pedophile priests?

‘There’s no room for forgiveness’: Pope’s sexual abuse letter meaningless to survivor

This is a strange thing to do if one is an institution whose mandate is to inform and enlighten (though the next word is “entertain”… and entertaining the punters with scandal is a sure way to sell newspapers).

Even thought it may not sell newspapers, please stop doing this.

Just stop it. Mark Gollom, you are responsible for a headline. Jack Julian and Jon Tattrie you are responsible for another. Stop misusing the words. Tell your colleagues to stop misusing the words.

Everyone has to talk about sexual abuse if we’re ever going to improve the problem. We can’t talk about it until we use the proper language. If we blame all the blue flowers because the purple flowers are taking over, we’re not doing anything useful. It’s a waste of everyone’s time, and it leaves children to take the brunt of it all.

CBC, stop propagating ignorance. Stop propagating hatred for something we don’t understand. You made a promise to inform and enlighten: take it seriously.

The Prevention Project

There is a new(ish) podcast series about non-offending, anti-contact minor attraction. Interviewees include non-offending, anti-contact MAPs and professionals who have worked with/studied them. The podcasts come out every other Monday. Check them out here:

The Prevention Project podcasts

For those of us who find listening to something difficult, TNF 13 has started doing transcripts and posting them here on Medium.

Nigel Lackland has translated some of the transcripts into French and posted them on his Medium page.

MAPs on Twitter

Recently, Twitter locked or suspended accounts belonging to Minor Attracted People; the timing coincided with a ridiculous article in The Sun, UK edition, about pedophiles on Twitter. The Sun is the sort of publication that, daily, has several articles with the term in the title.

Sensationalism doesn’t prevent abuse.

Last Friday, I signed my name to a letter to Twitter. You can read it on Jeremy Malcolm’s Medium blog, Experts, Police, and Vigilantes Face Off Over Pedophiles on Twitter  

Today, The Prevention Podcast interviewed Ender, one of the MAPs who was suspended from Twitter. You can listen to the podcast here.

Here’s the thing: most people become aware of their sexuality somewhere around puberty (approximately ages 10-14). This is about the time we start giving our children a bit of freedom in the world–to walk to school without us, to spend some time on the internet. This is the period when parents whisper furtive prayers that their child will be all right. We hope they’ll find good role models and good people to hang around with.

Twitter removed the good role models from their site. This reduces the chance of a young MAP meeting the likes of Ender before they decide to search for child pornography, before they meet a pro-contact pedophile.

It’s estimated that less than 20% of sexual crimes are committed by Minor Attracted People. That means that almost 20% of sexual offenses can be prevented.

I have yet to meet a person, no matter how heinous, upon whom I would wish sexual assault. In order to prevent abuse, we have to talk about it.

In the Wake of Milo

Milo Yiannopoulos counts as an eejit: like trolls who only want to grand-stand, not discuss, he was not worthy of my time. He’s still not worthy of my time, but the consequences of his grand-standing are.

This has already been on Twitter, etc. courtesy of New York Magazine, but I want to make sure the article doesn’t get lost in splashy waves:

I’m a Pedophile, But Not a Monster by Todd Nickerson

For all but one of the adult anti-contact pedophiles I’ve spoken with, VirPed is the place that offers what they need/want. When media removes or hides articles that direct people to support systems, they’re not contributing to a healthy society. Taking two steps back from an issue might make for a more accurate perspective, but it might also take society backwards–which is not what our society needs.

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Why I’m Supporting Part of the Most Hated Group in Society

I am not a pedophile. I have no sexual attraction to children. I defend pedophilia as an orientation. I support non-offending pedophiles, and I will support offenders who choose to begin a non-offending lifestyle. I do not support the lowering of any age-of-consent, and I do not support pro-contact pedophiles.

There are three reasons why I’m doing this:

1. Preventing child sexual abuse
Our current system for protecting children puts the burden on the children. This seems—well, stupid. I fully agree that we should be educating our children about “good touch” and “bad touch”, and about sexuality in general, but we’re assuming a four-year-old can fend off an adult. (Even a teenager will have problems denying consent to an adult.) We tell the children to report someone who has made them feel uncomfortable or touched them, which means the child has to be violated before we take action.
By supporting the anti-contact pedophile community, we take the burden off the children.

2. These are humans, not monsters
I know this point doesn’t go over very well with non-allies, but pedophiles are humans. They know they’re part of the most despised group of humans: they feel the guilt, shame and isolation society wants them to feel. Their rates of self-harm and suicide are astoundingly high.
People find comfort wherever they can. If family, friends and the community don’t offer support, an affectionate hug from a child might seem like consent when one is desperate for positive attention.
I want pedophiles to feel positive support for choosing the non-offending path.

3. Fixing the language
The terms pedophile and pedo are thrown around as general insults.
Society used to allow homophobic and racial slurs, too, but we realise that’s hurting a lot of people, so we stopped.
If someone is not a pedophile, it’s useless to apply the term to them. If you don’t like their looks, their politics, their sexuality, that has nothing to do with pedophilia.
A pedophile is not the same as a child molester.
If we don’t use the proper language, we can’t communicate with each other.

pedo-ally

On Being a Pedo Ally

I am not a pedophile. I have no sexual attraction to children. I defend pedophilia as an orientation. I support non-offending pedophiles, and I will support offenders who choose to begin a non-offending lifestyle. I do not support the lowering of any age-of-consent, and I do not support pro-contact pedophiles.

I wasn’t going to do this until the book was a little further ahead but, today, someone’s Facebook comment pushed me right off the deep end.

Pedophilia is a sexual orientation. It’s not something that can be chosen or controlled. It’s not something that can be “fixed”. (It’s not something that needs to be “fixed”, either.)

What can be chosen is the non-offending lifestyle. With support and people to talk to, anyone can remain a non-offender. As one person phrased it, “I never find it hard to not offend. NEVER.” After all, there are pedophiles who have gone 50 or 60 years without offending, so someone who’s only 12 or 16 can certainly make it another day, yeah?

The people I’ve talked to don’t struggle with not offending. What they struggle with is severe isolation, loneliness, depression, self-loathing, self-doubt, guilt and fear. This is the part that needs to be “fixed”. How can someone expect to avoid seeking comfort if they’re feeling these things, if they can’t talk to a doctor or a priest or a teacher without fear of being reported to the authorities (even if they haven’t committed a crime)? How can a teenager feel loved by their parents if they worry constantly about how their parents will react if they find out?

When someone says, “Pedophilia makes teenagers want to go on week-long drug binges,” are you sure you want to let that go without professional support? Yes, this is an example of the “sick, sick fuck” that people like to threaten. What’s sick, though, has nothing to do with their sexual orientation and everything to do with their mental health.

Educate yourselves, please. These are humans, not monsters.

Here’s a list of some of the delightfully loud-mouthed pedophiles who are literally risking their lives, doing their damnedest to keep everyone safe:

Ender Wiggins: Twitter, blog

Gary Gibson: Dr. Phil, The Daily Mail

Todd Nickerson: Twitter, YouTube

Mells the MAP: YouTube

A whole lot of kick-ass people on Medium.

Some other kick-ass people on VirPed.

pedo-ally

You’ve Brought It on Yourselves

Activity Being Avoided: nothing, really: I’m just waiting for Windows to update on my other computer.
Music In My Head: Tin Man – The Avett Brothers (Hey, at least it’s a different song.)
Tea Being Drunk: none. I’m trying to not float away.
Book Being Read: A Man for All Seasons – Robert Bolt

In an effort to avoid branding, I decided (upon finishing Homology and then again upon finishing To Be Human Again) that I would write about something other than sex. It’s an awesome topic–and I use the adjective literally, not colloquially–but fitting into a box just isn’t my thing.

You monsters, though, you just won’t let it alone. Every time someone proposes an excellent idea, some eejit takes everything back a couple of light-years. For chrissake, I just finished a book for you monsters, demonstrating that there’s reason for everything deemed “deviant”, and you ignore me.

Well. That means I just have to write more.

A recent issue of The Walrus had an article that is good, in that it offers reason and a possible solution to a problem that has not been solved in the history of humankind. It’s aptly entitled Why Would Someone Choose to Be a Monster? Indeed. No one chooses such a life–and no one is asking that pedophiles be allowed to go on their merry way; the point is that we come to understand their perspective so that we can find a way to accommodate their needs without people getting hurt.

And then CBC–written and edited by people who, by virtue of residency and calling, are obliged to be unswerving readers of The Walrussensationalises the idiocy of our justice system with the ever-so-useful term “dangerous offender” in the headline.

Mr. Lund, the “dangerous offender”, has been sentenced to indefinite incarceration; the article notes that he spent more than half his pre-trial incarceration in segregation.

This is a human being. What makes his life any less-important than the lives of the people he’s hurt?

Currently, I’m working on a nice, often-pleasant love story. You monsters, however, have left me in a position where the books beside my bed are starting to display a disturbing tone (again) and the characters are starting to find a place in my head. You monsters have boxed me in, so I’ll have to find a way to use it to an advantage–anyone’s advantage.

I leave you with a video that is a socially-acceptable step in the right direction. Apply it to sexual mental illness. Don’t take us backwards, please.