A Modest Proposal

This past week, the media has been thinking a lot about people’s bodies.  (It’s nice that there aren’t too many global issues to think about at the moment — a pleasant change.)

First, I received notice of this article in the Washington Post that announces the legal actions against a clothing store in New York.  Apparently, the “No shorts, no barefoot” is perfectly acceptable (grammatical issues notwithstanding), but  “no sleeveless, no low-cut neckline allowed in this store” is an attack on women.  Breasts are bad.

Next, my Facebook homepage was assaulted with this article on Coy Mathis, a “6-year-old transgender girl” who was asked to use a gender-neutral bathroom.  Small penises are bad.

Finally, upon waking this morning, I was further educated by this article from CBC on Britain’s Naked Rambler.  Large penises are bad, too.

I’ve seen nothing on vaginas except this blog.  It’s a slow vagina week.  Thank god for all those penises.

Clearly, our judicial systems and media are overburdened by these people with human body parts.  My proposal is this: redirect the money that is currently being spent on lawyers and journalists to the surgeons.  The moment each male infant is born, the surgeons will perform a penectomy; the moment each female child begins to develop breasts, a double mastectomy will be performed.  With these surgeries, all humans will have the same external body parts, and the courts and the media will have the resources to focus on (albeit less important) issues such as justice and dissemination of information.

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