When people ask what I’ve been up to, I say my life is boring – but it isn’t, really. There’s just not much to talk about. How do you phrase it so you don’t sound barmy: I made a character say the things that were in his head? Better just to stay quiet.
This is what I’ve been doing for the last little while:
It will be ready August 1st. I promise.
I’ve been arguing with my muse, of course, while I’ve been working on this. It reminded me of a writing exercise we did a few months ago in one of my writers groups. The idea was to have your muse write a “position available” ad for a writer. She spewed this one out for me. I didn’t have any say in it at all.
Muse of temperamental inspiration seeks gender non-specific former obituary writer who is looking to branch out. Must be inclined towards silk-lapelled smoking jackets and warm woolen hats – no fuzzy slippers, please. Preferred place of residence should be dark, dank and otherwise a thorn in the side of the Board of Health.
Applying candidates must partake of lengthy, pensive walks through stimulating landscapes such as cemeteries, wreckage yards or Loblaws Superstores. Must be given to fits of melancholia brought on by morning and/or evening cocktails of varying proportions of gin and rum mixtures. Ability to sigh deeply an asset.
The successful candidate will have their bookshelves inspected before being formally accepted; owners of any book with pastel bindings will be immediately disqualified.
Please send portfolio and cover letter to… nevermind: if you’re that organised, you don’t need me.